Lost in five minutes

You might remember guest blogger David Terruso from the “Ben Avicolli is a Stupid Pathetic Moron” guest blog. His group Animosity Pierre has put together a short on 2 guys that need to bring their dates up to speed on Lost in the 5 minutes before the season 6 premier starts, all without jeopardizing their chances of getting laid. If you are a Lost fan you will truly love the video.

And sticking with the theme of getting laid, I thought it’s long overdue to do a list of my favorite girls on Lost. These gorgeous gals were rated on a completely arbitrary scale that factors in looks, personality, looks, coolness, looks, accomplishments, hottness, intelligence and of course looks. When I was thinking about all the girls in Lost I noticed that there is a remarkably small number of main characters that are actually women. Fortunately there are tons of women who are what you would call “secondary characters” that I could pillage in my quest to determine would I would like to most….pillage.

Before I list my favorite Lost Ladies I just want to say a few words about 2 losties that didn’t make the top 5 but deserved to be mentioned: Shannon (Sticks) & Nikki (Anna Nikki-ole). Empirically both these chippies are hott but since I’m factoring in personality into my rating, these characters fell out of the top 5. Sticks was too co-dependent, too annoying and she banged her half brother! The only bad thing I can say about her early demise is that we didn’t get to see her get killed with a flaming arrow like our pal Frogurt. Next we have Anna Nikk-iole who is also pretty smokin. I was told the audiences of Lost HATED this character with a passion because it felt like she was thrown in to spice up the looks on the show. No doubt she is hott and probably had the coolest death to date but I agree with the audience, too annoying. Not quiet Michael annoying but I’ll give her an Artz rating of annoyance.

So without further ado (because as my friend David Terruso would say, we hate ado) here are The Top 5 Hottest Ladies of Magic Island:

5) Naomi Dorrit (shout out to Lostapedia for helping me with the last names)

I do her

Naomi, we hardly knew you but you had a very hott exotic look with a british accent in tow, always a formula for success in my book. Plus you spoke about 15 different languages and you had that bad-ass-chick-vibe going for you since you were the leader of Charles Widmore’s island finding expedition. We miss you and we always wondered who gave you that damn bracelet.

4) Alex Rouseau

How old is she??

Ok call me a sucker for young chicks but I’m a sucker for young chicks. How cool is Alex? She rescues Prego (Claire), rocks a sling shot with precision, and is the first Other to stand up and defy Other Ben or as she calls him, Dad. Alex also had one of the harshest death scenes in the entire show. How many people thought she was actually going to be executed in that scene the way she was? Assuming that I could forward flash to the island in 2006 so she’d be 18, I’d totally do Alex.

3) Kate

Only 3?? What was I thinking??

Ok, I should probably have my head examined for not putting her at 1 just for that picture alone, but sometimes I can’t stand Kate. Why does she have to make EVERYTHING so complicated. She avoids telling a complete story like it was the black smokey thing. Why can’t she tell Jack that she is bff with Sawyer’s baby’s mama? Why doesn’t she tell Jack at first what happened to Aaron? Why does she pine for Sawyer when she is with Jack and pine for Jack when she is with Sawyer. Just pick one already!! If you’re smart it’s Sawyer. No wait…stay away from Sawyer, you’re no good for him. I digress. Kate has a good heart is a good person but keeps too many secrets for my liking. Here’s to hoping she redeems herself next season by rescuing Prego from fake Daddy-Jack!

2) Penny

My dad really sucks huh?

I know that Penny isn’t the hottest chick on the show but there’s just something I really like about her. She’s maternal, she’s loyal and she’s got a great Scottish accent (sensing a pattern?) Penny makes the phone call! Do I have to say more? Did that phone call scene in The Constant give anyone else chills? She waited all those years for Desmond and then went looking for him. No she’s not ridiculously hott but she’s very pretty. I don’t know if anyone else was on edge wondering if Other Ben killed Penny but I was freaking out over it during the last half of season 5. In a show of mostly flawed romances, Penny represents something real and true. Which leads us to…

1) Juliet Burke

Number 1 Stunna!

What isn’t there to say about Juliet?? She’s the coolest customer in the entire show. I don’t know if she has raised her voice once. So logical, so cold. She’s gone toe to toe with both Other Ben and a nuclear device. She was the one girl that could tame Sawyer. I think the scene where Sawyer asks Juliet if she has his back is one of the great scenes of season 5 (a season overloaded with great scenes). She’s an Other but she’s really a Lostie because as Jack notes she wants to get off the island. In addition to all that, Juliet’s got the goods. She’s hott! Maybe in a quiet freak way but no one’s going to turn down getting caught in a net with Juliet, least of all my boy Sawyer. I know I didn’t like her at first but I warmed up to the Ice Princess in a hurry.

So am I right about these fine ladies? I’m also looking for a girl to write a counter blog to rank the top 5 men of Magic Island, please contact me if you’re interested. Only 4 more days!

16 Responses to “Lost in five minutes”

  1. 1 Yemi
    January 29, 2010 at 1:23 am

    Bro…u are friggin on it! First ur a fan of “the wire” now this list?!!? I thought I was the only person to put Juliet on the top of this list! She definitely has the goods and she’s easily one of the strongest characters…I would actually replace the Brit with good ol’ ilana…yeah we don’t know her that well but I think Im gonna like her…nice compilation my dude.

    • January 29, 2010 at 8:38 am

      Ha no doubt. Did you get a chance to watch the video? My friend Dave LOVES Juliet too and has a funny line about her giving him boners. I really liked ilana when she was seducing Sayid but I didn’t know if she was looking all that good in subsequent scenes. We’ll have to see what she’s all about…

  2. January 29, 2010 at 2:12 am

    Surrrrre… Don’t mention the really sexy camera man/co-producer they had… šŸ˜›

  3. January 29, 2010 at 5:28 am

    Seriously, Penny #2? Kate >>> Penny

    While I don’t like her, I’m surprised you didn’t include Anna Lucia.

    I’d have to go Shannon & Cindy the Flight Attendant over Naomi…

    • January 29, 2010 at 8:40 am

      If I did a top 6 I would have put Anna in there and still left out Sticks and Nikki. I thought the chick who was the daughter of the French guy that Jack was trying to save was really hott but she was way too minor for me to mention.

  4. 6 Franny
    January 29, 2010 at 12:55 pm

    No Sun????
    I may have to do that Top 5 Guys for you. I already figured out my top 5.

    • 7 Brian
      January 29, 2010 at 1:04 pm

      Can I guess at your list?

      1. Sawyer
      2. Sawyer
      3. Sawyer
      4. Sawyer
      5. Sawyer

    • January 29, 2010 at 2:02 pm

      I really thought about Sun and esp after I saw her Maxim photo shoot. She’s too sexually unavailable for me. I need a lil slut in my gals…

      Yes you would be perfect for the guy write up. Hit me up on FB and let me know when it works in your schedule and I’ll post it

  5. February 1, 2010 at 6:07 pm

    Btw, I never gave my top 5 hottest list…I won’t take the time to elaborate, but here it is:

    5. Cindy
    4. Libby
    3. Shannon
    2. Kate
    1. Juliet

  6. 12 Michelle
    February 3, 2010 at 9:03 pm

    I love that you put Penny in there, The Phone Call is I think my favorite moment of the entire series, it absolutely gives me chills every time I see it!

    Juliet really blossomed this last season and I think she does deserve the #1 spot, those moments when she was with Sawyer, she was at her best.

  7. February 9, 2010 at 1:23 pm

    Thanks for posting our little video!

    I couldn’t agree more with your #1 (see my “case of the boners” comment in the video). But Kate is definitely a close #2 for me. Very close. I feel like I’m Kate torn between Sawyer and Jack, because I see Kate onscreen and go “She is the hottest thing of all time.” And then I see Juliet and go “No, SHE’s the hottest thing of all time.” I guess I’d be a pingponging slut like Kate if I were dropped onto the island.

    Naomi wouldn’t make my top five. She’s hot, but I need to get to know her better. So Shannon would take her place. Or Claire. Claire is gorgeous.

    I also find Penny super hot. I first saw her on the HBO series Mind of the Married Man, and was in love since.

    Yes yes yes to Alex. Even if she came at me and I knew it was just Smokey playing a trick, I’d try to get some.

  8. 14 m.
    August 28, 2010 at 9:32 am

    (As a girl) I totally agree w/ the top three, particularly Juliet and Penny (glad to see Penny so high in the list!). Mine would go along the lines of:

    1. Juliet
    2. Penny
    3. Kate
    4. Ana Lucia
    5. … no one else, really. The rest had their moments but I wasn’t particularly a fan… Charlotte maybe?

    My men would be:

    1. Desmond
    2. Sawyer
    3. Charlie
    4. Jack
    5. And I want to put Ben in there somewhere, if not exactly for his good looks… and Richard.

  9. 15 Brett
    October 10, 2013 at 3:56 am

    Um you mistakenly said Penny said Penny is not super hot. šŸ˜‰ Penny is the hottest chick on the show in looks and dedication for her man and in many other ways šŸ™‚

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I have always had a difficult time waiting to find out the ending of my favorite movies, TV shows & books. My resume of obsession includes watching Season 1 of 24 in 3 days, watching Season 2 of 24 in 18 hours and reading each Harry Potter book in one sitting. Knowing that I would love and become obsessed with Lost, I decided to wait before the last season to begin watching it.

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